Love Me, Satan
by content killer
Summary: Two Genres of movies meet in this comical romance about a teenage boy who searches online for love and ends up falling for Satan herself.


Have you ever just met that person? You know, that person who you click with. The one person who seems to understand you, the one who your attracted to for more than appearences, everything about them is just so amazing. Well this is my story of how I found the strangest most amazing love of my life, but this is a little.  
well different, well you'll understand later what I mean.

It all started during the summer of last year, it was a blazing hot summer. I live in Montreal, and the winters are freezing and the summers are blazing hot. I sat at home drawing a picture of a demonic woman, thinking to myself how sexy she was but it was just a cartoon and I screwed up drawing the ankle to I crumpled it up and headed for the computer. Relaxing in the air conditioning of my living room while on the computer searching a meeting site. You know those type of sites, the ones with the free membership where you can meet people from all over as friends or relationships. Well I happened to be searching pretty close by and came across this girl. This girl stood out from all the others, she was stunningly beautiful, and reading her profile I saw a original and real person, someone who sparked my interest so I sent her a message. I leaned back in my chair pondering if this mysterious and cute girl would respond back to me, only time would tell, but I was never one of patience so I quickly added her to my MSN seeing as her e-mail was in her profile.

You'd never realize just what a click of a mouse could do these days. Because with a click of my mouse I added the love of my life and also with a click of the mouse I sold my soul.

I had woken up late one morning around half past ten, I walked into my living room and turned on the computer and went into the kitchen to get myself some breakfast. I was too lazy to really put any effort into what I wanted to eat so I just poured a glass of juice and grabbed a Nutri Grain bar from the cupboard and made my way back over to the computer and sat down in the chair. I took a bite of the snack bar while cracking a couple fingers then I leaned back in my chair as the computer finished starting up, I shifted back up and chowed down on the snack bar as I connected myself to the internet. Browsing some of my favourite sites I goto on a usual basis I had forgotten about the girl from the other night who I added to my MSN. Logging online to check my e-mails and the such I saw a new username, it was currently offline but it was new, and it made my memory respark and I could tell she had permitted me to add her. Sitting there I wasn't sure what to do, should I wait here for her to come online or go out and hope to catch her later, it was a silly predicament but I was excited to get to know her. I made up my mind, I stood up and walked to my room to get dressed, I was going to goto the mall and rent a movie.

The light hurt my eyes as I stepped outside, I squinted trying to looking both ways down the street before I crossed.  
Jogging across I walked into the church parking lot and darted past the church and the statue of Mary, I smiled "howdy Mary" I chuckled and paused abit as it seemed the statue seemed to smile at me, I shrugged it off and kept on my way. Running towards the mall I stopped in my spot and casually made my way inside brushing my hair to it's normal state as I sighed and began to strut my way through the mall. I came through this same mall nearly every day, mainly because I was either renting a movie or video game every day. As I passed by a girl's clothing store the girl looked at me with a smile, I ignored it, she didn't look like my type so I wasn't particularly interested.

Looking through the window of the video store I could see the annoying video store girl was working the day shift, I rolled my eyes and pushed the door open and tried to make my way to the movies as fast as I could before she could open up her mouth. But then her high pitched voice cracked "Hiya!" she smiled as I slowly turned, her voice gave me goosebumps, it was like nails on a chalk board to me. "Hey.." I answered back as I tried to keep walking and pulling myself towards the horror movie section. I browsed through the rack of movies, occasionally glancing up to see that she had not moved, but then a gap between looking at movies and I looked up and she was gone. I raised my head and turned looking around the store and when I turned around she was there, I jumped inside but didn't visibly. "So what you planning on renting? huh?" she asked annoyingly, I grabbed Interview With The Vampire and made my way to the cash as she followed. It wasn't that she was ugly or anything, it's just that she's very annoying and her voice could shatter glass if it hasn't yet. She took the video and my money and typed it all up on the computer, and looked at me while bagging the video "why do you rent this one so much?". I grabbed it from her as I left and said "because it's good" all she replied with was a sigh or some sort've irritating sound.

When I got back home I saw that she was online her MSN name at the time was something along the line of "Lay Me Down In A Bed Of Razors To Bleed Away My Insanity", it caught my attention more. I chucked the movie I had just rented to the side and sat down on the computer and sent her an IM, and waited with a grin.  
She replied back a couple seconds later.  
Lay Me Down In A Bed Of Razors To Bleed Away My Insanity says:  
Hey who's this?  
Evan PG says:  
I'm Evan I saw you on that meeting site, hope you don't mind me adding you, you seem so cool Lay Me Down In A Bed Of Razors To Bleed Away My Insanity says:  
lol no I don't mind

The convesation continued for hours and hours, it followed the next day and the day after. Till we decided to call eachother to first see how our voices sounded, but that soon turned into hour conversations and those conversations became even longer. I told her personal things and she told me personal things, we had formed a bond of trust. One night during a conversation an idea slipped from my lips "I think we should meet..", I couldn't believe I had asked, but she agreed before I could even think. I was so happy and began to for the weekend to come, wanting the day to arrive so badly. She was the most interesting person I had met in years.

When the day came, I made sure to take a shower and dress as clean and cool as I could. I even put on a pair of sunglasses for some lame attempt at being cool. She wanted to meet at a metro station relatively close to her house and I had agreed and got the money to get there. The Metro itself was a sometimes interesting and strange place, you could spend a whole day just watching all the different people who come on to the cart. As I got off the cart after the long ride I looked around this metro I had never been to before, I walked up the stairs and towards the escalator, as I grew closer to the exit where I was supposed to meet her my nervousness became greater. I pulled myself up the last flight of stairs, and as I reached the top I knew who she was instantly, her face shimmered with a beauty I had never seen before. I shyly walked over with a smile on my face. She stood up and smiled back and we greeted eachother, "Hey.." I almost stuttered as she answered back "Hi..", we spoke for abit while waiting for her friend to show up.

See so far this all probably seems quite normal to you, the average meeting of two people. But that's what you think, but let's fast forward about a month and that's when the true nature of my story and this story truely begin.

After a week or so after our first meeting, we had started dating. And she wanted to burn the photos of my old girlfriend, I agreed because it was something funny and cool. We kneeled down in the bathroom over the toilet to set fire to the photos. "Oh crap, forgot the lighter..hold on hun" I smiled getting up and leaving the room, she then snapped her fingers across the photo and it burst into flames, I walked back in my eyes wide "woah! you had a lighter! you should've told me..oh well" I said not really suspecting anything as I knelt down beside her with one arm around her watching the flamming photos melt and fall into the toilet. Just incase your wondering, yes I did have a previous girlfriend before my love but she was a little..deranged..to say the least. She was a trouble maker she lived in a group home and was always running away, until one day they put her in a high security group home and she set fire to her room in an attempt to escape. So I was so glad when I found Alyssa, she was so unique and amazing that I instantly fell in love with her, everything from her cute little nose to her spikey bracelet. But there was something I didn't know yet, something well different.

One weekend a few days later we went to the video store to rent some movies to watch back at my house. We walked by the stores, I saw my friend Jackie and waved to her as Alyssa looked over and without me noticing she squinted her eyes as a whole rack of items behind Jackie fell and smashed as Jackie jumped and turned to clean it up. We kept on our way to the video store, I held the front door open for her as we made our way in and towards the horror section, but then came Amy, the annoying video store clerk with the voice like nails on a chalk board. Amy smiled and came over to me, "Hi Evan!..and uhm..friend" Amy said giving Alyssa a dirty look but Alyssa exchanged a dirty look back with her and smirked, "is there a horror movie you could recommend us"  
Alyssa asked with a grin. Smirking Amy said "sure" as she reached down and grabbed Exorcist and picked it up Amy squealed and dropped the video her hand smoking, the flesh from her hand was burnt in the shape of a video case. "Oh shit! you okay Amy!" I asked confused over what just happened, as Alyssa stood to the side laughing to herself "the power of christ compells you to back off" she said to herself under her breath so we couldn't hear. Amy ran off into the back room to put her hand under cold water in the video store bathroom as Alyssa and I waited at the front counter with The Exorcist with us on the counter. I looked at Alyssa "that was so fucked..what the hell happened there!" I asked confused still as she smirked abit "the power of Satan heh", since she was a gothic girl I shrugged her comment off.

We watched the movie cuddling eachother at my house, it was the most pleasent viewing of The Exorcist I've ever had the enjoyment to watch, but being with her for any movie made it even more enjoyable. The weeks passed by we watched movies and shared great times, holding her in my arms and feeling her against me was one of the best feelings I could ever experience, well among other things..but that isn't what this story is about. See this wasn't the end of weird accurances, no they got even weirder.

One weekend we were passing through the mall and I saw my friend Jackie working at a store where Alyssa and I were going to buy our chocolate bars to sneak into the theatre. Going inside we headed straight for the candy, and picked out a few chocolate bars each as we then made our way to the cash. We stood patiently in line and then put the chocolate on the counter as Jackie scanned it and I handed her money, Jackie smiled friendly like and said "Kev we should start hanging our more..we haven't hung out in a long while" but Jackie's mistake is she didn't acknowledge Alyssa. But then, right infront of me my jaw dropped as I watched a spider crawl out of Jackie's hair,  
then another, and another, as hundreds of baby spiders began to fall from her hair. I jumped back stunned, as Jackie screamed and ran off, I looked at Alyssa who seemed calm and relaxed about it almost laughing. Walking through the mall towards the theatre I looked over at Alyssa, "hey hun, what the hell happened back there!" I asked as she looked up at me and replied "uh..maybe she got some spider eggs in her hair in the stock room or something? heh"  
her voice cracked abit as if hiding something, but at the time I didn't notice it because I trusted her so much.

After the movie we started to walk towards the metro, for me to see her home. Walking along the bike path we held hands and she looked me deep in the eyes and I looked back at her and she said "Ev..I have to tell you something"  
I stopped in my spot taking this moment seriously. "Yeah?" I asked waiting anxiously for her to respond, she lowered her head and sighed. The moment froze in time, mere seconds seemed like hours and I thought she was breaking up with me, but the weirdest thing I ever heard came from her lips. "I'm Satan.." She said as I released a breath and smiled "oh! I thought it was something serious and.." she stopped me said "you don't believe me?..". I didn't really know what to say or do, I pulled her close and embraced her in my arms "yes your my little Satan", she sighed once more, she knew I thought it was just crazy talk. Boy was I wrong to brush this off.

A friend from my past who I had a crush on came back into my life, she appeared on MSN one day. Our friendship started to rekindle again, but my lil Satan didn't like this. She started to get jealous, it was cute how she called all the girls around me whores, personally I found it funny. It was all fun and games, until one night I found out my friend Mindy, her keyboard had some how freakishly short circuted and eletrocuted her with a strong enough voltage for her to be in the hospital for a couple days. I didn't really connect these random accidents to the hair of spiders and other weird things.

Two men walked up the stairs to Alyssa's house and knocked on the door, both wearing black with white collars and holding a book and a cross, they were priests. From neighbours complaining from unatural disturbances they called in a priest to rid the neighbourhood of the evil that lived in that house. Knocking on the door, the door opened in pulled the priests into the house as a horrific howling came from the house. Then from the street corner I came walking up and walked up the stairs and knocked on the door, it opened and Alyssa peeked from around the door. "Hey..uhm..Ev, this really isn't the best time..I'm sorry" she said as I heard something in the back of her "the power of christ compells you! the power of christ compells you!", I looked at her "you watching Exorcist again?" I asked as she looked behind her and smirked then looked back at me "uh..you could say that..hold on, I need to put it on pause". I waited, as she went back into the house and grabbed the two priests and shoved them into a closet as they kept trying to chant as she threw them into a rack of coats. Coming back she looked at me "yes?.." she seemed annoyed as I began to ask "I wanted to know if you wanted to goto this restaurant for our anneversary next weekend?" she smiled and shook her head but then slammed the door. Sure I was confused, but all I really wanted was her agreement to goto the restaurant, she was abit busy I guess.

On my way home I was walking through the metro, as this girl passed me. She looked exactly like Alyssa, and shimmered brightly with the same beauty I saw the day we had met, and she turned and looked at me and smiled as she skipped down the stairs infront of me. I was alittle freaked about the whole thing, she looked just like Alyssa. As I got on the metro cart and sat down she sat just across from me, she smiled at me, I tried not to smile back, but it was hard not to smile when looking at Alyssa..or someone who looks exactly like her for that matter. Eventually I fell asleep, the metro stops zoomed by as I dreamt of Alyssa, but as I awoke I saw the look alike leaning against me. "Sweet Jesus!" I shouted as I leapt into the air and away from her, "what in the hell were you doing!" I asked. She looked at me and spoke "it's no good how you speak,  
using the lord's son's name in such a manor and also the use of Hell" she stood up. Something about this girl was way off.  
I backed up slowly and got off the metro as she followed me closely, as I gained speed she seemed to disapear, but then I walked right into her as I looked behind me and tripped over her. "Ack!..what the hell is wrong with you!" I tried to pull myself back up and as I did I fell back down "holy shit!" I shouted as I looked apon her, she stood with wings expanded a few metres across as her voice thundered "don't use the words of religion in your demeaning manor!". My eyes widened as she began to giggle, "okay calm down haha..I love doing the whole wrathful angel thing it's hilarious..gets them every time" she laughed as she extended her hand and helped me up.

We started to walk, I looked at her in amazement and asked "are you a..." before I could finish she said "an angel?" and I shook my head, she smiled "you could say that...I'm your guardian angel, here to protect you from doing stupid things". I looked at her "hey! what in the hell have I done to make an angel appear!" I asked as she rolled her eyes, "exactly..Hell"  
she said to me as I cocked an eyebrow in confusion. "Look..you know the girl your dating Alyssa? Well she's not a human,  
she's Satan incarnate" the guardian angel said to me as I looked at her as we walked through the park outside the metro,  
"Satan?" I aksed "Yes..Lucifer, Beezlebub, Damien, Prince of Darkness, Lord of Hell, Hades, Elizabeth Hurley". I kept walking and said to her "but isn't Satan a guy?", my guardian angel chuckled "are you kidding me! haha God and Satan are both girls..no man could control the heavens and the pits of hell" I listened to her and rolled my eyes "sounds to me like I got the sexist guardian angel" I walked faster trying to get away from her.

When I finally thought I lost her she appeared infront of me, I slammed into her and got back up again "AHH! stop doing that"  
I shouted as the people around me saw me shouting at the air, the angel only seen by me as to not shock others. I tried passing by her but she grabbed me and and held me close and said to me softly "hold on.." and I looked at her "say wha?  
why!" and before she could answer me we both shot up into the sky and flew into the clouds as I screamed like a frightened little school girl. "Would you stop screaming already!" She yelled as the light from the sun began to glow all around us, and the clouds became solid like ground, she opened her arms as I fell on my ass. Standing up I looked around and stepped off towards the edge of the cloud and looked off and saw the ground hundreds of miles below and I screamed again and fell back and tried to stand up again, "whe..where am I!" I asked her finally getting up. She raised her hands and waved them around as she looked left and right "take a guess..", my eyes widening as I looked at her "am I dead?.." she started to laugh once more and answered me a second later "your not dead..your just visiting..see we here at heaven don't really like it when immortal beings interfere or date mortals". I paused and clenched my fists and turned slowly "you saying I'm not good enough,  
she stepped back and spoke her voice somewhat shakey "no no..that's not it..it's just uhmm..see with Satan". I looked at her not believing her, seemed as if Heaven didn't want me to love anyone once I finally found love, "bring me home.." I said. She sighed and agreed, she couldn't disagree with the one she guarded, so she grabbed me and flew me back down to my house.  
As I put the key into the door to my apartment, I wondered if it was all a dream or not, going to my room and laying down unsure of what had just happened and if I had stepped on some drug used needle in the park.

I sat up in my bed, sitting there wondering how this could even be possible. I mean maybe angels and devils and what not are real..but really real, I could barely put this all together, and why would Satan want to date me? My hands shook along with my soul. Pacing back forth in my room I pondered what I would do, I wouldn't break up with Alyssa because I love her, but what would happen to me if I didn't break up with her. The phone rang and made me jump, I looked over at it and grabbed it, it was Alyssa. Thinking of how to answer or even what to say I answered and just casually said "HI!" listening as my voice nervously cracked as we started into our usual conversation, I tried to forget the truth as much as I could all along planning on what to do. We still intended on going to that restaurant, but what would I say, she did tell me her secret but I didn't believe it and how would I act now that I knew the real truth.

Once I had gotten off the phone I layed down on my bed slowly drifting to sleep letting my worries drift away from me. But then a sudden pressing against my body woke me up, I opened my eyes to see a naked woman resembling Marilyn Monroe on top of me. I screamed and pushed her off sitting up in my bed "who the hell are..are you who I think you are!" I shouted looking at her as a bright light appeared in my room and my guardian angel appeared "good morning" she said with a smirk. "You.  
you did this didn't you?" I demanded an answered looking back and forth between who appeared to be Marilyn Monroe and a angel who is supposed to look out for me. Lowering her head she sat on the edge of my bed as Marilyn Monroe vanished into a bright light, "look we in heaven personally don't want a mortal involved with Satan especially in the manor your getting yourself involved in" she put her hand on my knee as I looked her in the eyes and then I slapped her hand away and turned over in bed and said "look..I'm in love with the princess of darkness, face it I love her and theres nothing Heaven or Hell you can do about it.  
now don't let the holy spirit hit you in the ass on the way out.." I went back to sleep as my guardian angel fades into light.

Another girl I knew named Amanda was online the next morning, we started to chat. She was telling me about how I'm her hero because I'm so cool, I just played along and found it kinda funny. Unfortunately for her, Alyssa found out about the whole sidekick and hero joke and didn't take it too well, the following was unknown till me until Alyssa told me on the phone later that night. See when Amanda came home from school one afternoon and was on the computer in her room sending me an email a rumbling shook her room as the wall was smashed in and a giant ogre looking cyborg freak ran in throwing her across the room as she screamed wildly "who are you! what do you want!". He roared "I am Zangor! The cybornetic ogre from the future and your hero's nemesis..and to get back at him I shall kill his sidekick! ARE YOU HIS SIDEKICK"  
Amanda stared at him in shock before screaming "no no no! I'm not his sidekick! OH GOD NO!" but the ogre trampled her anyway. Finding this out made me abit angry, that Alyssa would recklessly kill a friend of mine because of her jealousy.

The following day was the day a good friend of mine was supposed to visit me from the United States, she used to be such a great friend, I used to call her the female version of myself because we liked so much of the same things. I couldn't tell Alyssa she was coming down though or else who knows what could happen. Waking up early that morning I made sure to take a shower and dress relatively decent, it was about nine thirty or so when she came knocking on my door, her car waiting outside so we could goto LaRonde to hang out. In case you didn't know LaRonde is a amusement park in Montreal and it's part of the Six Flag's family. Sitting in the car as we drove for LaRonde I let the wind blow through my hair as the sun roof was down, I smilled up at the sky having a day to relax and not worry about satanic things. When we got to the parking lot Shannon parked the car and got out as I followed, we walked towards the entrance to pay for our entry.

What I didn't know is back home the phone began to ring and my Dad answered it. "Can I speak to Evan please?" Alyssa asked, pausing for a moment my Dad responded "nope, sorry he's out with his friend Shannon..you want me to tell him you called?" his only response was the clicking of a hanging up.

We had entered LaRonde and I made my way for the Monster, which was the most classic and must go roller coaster in the entire park, it was tradition to ride it atleast once every time you came to the park. While we waited in line we eventually came to a Coke machine and as I searched for change in my pocket the machine began to rattle and rock back and forth, Shannon tapped my shoulder to get my attention but I dropped a quarter and went to pick it up and the machine began to shoot out bottles of Coke at high speeds into Shannon making her fall down. Shifting back up I looked at her "oh shit are you okay!" I asked helping her back up, she didn't understand what happened, I picked up a Coke and said "stupid machine" as we continued on the ride. Later that day after a few more rides we went to eat, which didn't last long as Shannon's drink mysteriously exploded into her face and her sub from Subway was full of maggots and worms. I knew something was up, and only one person could be behind it, but I tried to ignore it and enjoy my day.

"The haunted house" I grinned running towards the line up, looking at Shannon I said "this is one of the corniest rides in the park but one of my favourite!" "cool" she said in return as I anxiously waited for the ride with great excitement.  
After a small wait we were in the front of the line and sat in our two seater cart as we were pulled into the cheesy little haunted house, but what we didn't see coming was the realism. At first it started off with a few electronic and crappy screams and shouts and some sections where lights lit up corners with fake looking zombies, but then a sudden bump and fog began to form and and fire on the walls. "Woah this is sweet..I thought you said it was corny!" Shannon laughed as I looked at her worried about who was controlling the haunted house now "uh..they must've..renovated"  
I said shakey like. Zombies and skeletons began to rip out of the ground and pull at Shannon as she screamed and I watched in awe as we passed into the next section with people screaming in torturous pain on the walls while a dungeon master did horrible things to them. "Oh sick!" Shannon grinned as I looked on in horror knowing this may actually be real, the dungeon master roared loudly as he pulled his own face off and made his teeth chatter while he gripped some guts and threw them at Shannon making her screaming loudly. The next section was a big fall as our cart began to tumble in a circle of flame Shannon screaming the whole way as I held onto the cart and she held me "WHORE!" roared like thunder in a demonic voice as flames engulfed the whole cart, when we came back on the track Shannon's eye brows had been burnt off, she rubbed her head screaming almost in tears. I patted her knee pointing at a door coming up "this is the end!" I shouted happily, but as we reached the end an insane demon fell down and grabbed Shannon and pulled her up into the ceiling and what followed was a crunched sound as blood sprayed all over me.

The cart came screaching out on the rusty track, people looked on in awe as I came out both me and the cart soaked in blood. When the cart came to a stop I slowly stepped out of the cart wide eyed and in shock mumbling to myself as blood dripped off of me, some blond haired moron slapped my shoulder and laughed "it's just a ride man!" and I turned giving him a look my body red stained by my friend's blood as I clenched my fist and punched him out and turned and walked away. As soon as I got home I took a shower scrubbing myself vigerously feeling so dirty from my own friend's blood.

The next day I got up early and took another shower and got myself dressed and left the house once again to meet Alyssa before we head to the restaurant. When I got to the mall Alyssa was with one of her friends Steff, Steff was cool and relaxed girl who could explode if spoken to wrong, I had gotten to know her over MSN within the past few weeks. "Hey!" I smiled as I went over to them and talked to Steff as Alyssa went to throw something out, I looked at Steff and asked her quietly "do you know who she is?.." she looked over at Alyssa and then back at me "you mean Satan over there?" I covered Steff's mouth and watched Alyssa walk to the garbage. "You know!" I took my hand off her mouth as she rubbed her face and looked at me "yeah I thought you did too.." she said as I rubbed the back off my head and replied "yeah but I didn't really believe her..aren't you ever afraid of saying the wrong thing to her?", Steff looked over at Alyssa then back at me "not really I just try to slide my way through conversations..especially the aramaic and ancient language ritaulistic conversations I don't understand.." she said as I nodded. Alyssa came walking back not knowing about our conversation, or to our knowledge she didn't know. Looking at me with a smile Alyssa said "Ev, we have to goto my house first..I forgot something" I nodded and agreed to goto her house before going to the restaurant.

She invited me in, we walked up the stairs to her room. I looked around her room, which didn't look like the lair of Satan at all as she told me to wait there as she got some things. Standing there my curiosity got the best of me, I began to poke around and found a strange little doll, the box read "living dead doll". The box flew open and the little doll shot out and began to attack me, as Alyssa walked back and forth between the bathroom and the hallway not noticing me wrestling with the tiny flesh eating doll. "Gah!..die you little bastard!" I mumbled as I tossed it across the room and let out a sigh of relief as it then flew across the room back at me moaning for flesh, "eep!" I screatched as I caught it in mid air and opened Alyssa's closet slightly and threw it inside and closed it quickly. Breathing in a bent over abit trying to catch my breath, hoping she didn't hear what just went on, but as things grew silent I heard growling from the closet as the doors shook abit, I knew I couldn't leave the doll in there or she'd know I had been snooping around her room. Grabbing the closet handles I slowly pulled the doors open hearing the growling become louder, and a gust of warm air slapped against me as I opened the closet to find the head of a giant demon looking back at me, in silence my eyes grew wide in shock as I slammed the closet doors shut again and walked out of the room stuttering and mumbling words over what had just happened. Alyssa smiled when she came out from the bathroom, she grabbed my hand and said "let's go" as I kept mumbling to myself while we left the house for the restaurant.

My feelings were stirring, I looked at her and saw the most beautiful and definetely unique girl I've ever known. But she was also the commander of all evil things, which may sound cool, but when your kissing your girlfriend and worrying about going to Hell and being ripped apart for eternity it kinda messes with the mood. I love her so much, but I personally don't like crazy flesh eating dolls and closet residing giant demons.

When we got to the restaurant we sat down and ordered our food as she lit the candle between us with her finger tip, I gulped nervously. She smiled looking at me, I looked at all the people around us to see if any noticed, because who knows what could happen if people found out that your dating Satan or that Satan was real. "So what are you thinking"  
she asked me as I turned my voice cracking abit as I spoke "wha? me!..uhm..your really Satan aren't you!..please don't send me to Hell or anything!" I gripped the table clothe as I wanted for her to answer. Laughing she looked at me and reached her hand out to mine, "Hell?..why in heaven would I send you there..I love you you idiot" Alyssa smiled as I noticed a woman glancing at me from another table. Looking over her shoulder Alyssa squinted her eyes and spoke the magical words "whore.." as I looked back and forth between Alyssa and the woman. Suddenly a chicken from another table got up on the plate and darted towards the woman screatching loudly as it tackled her from her chair strangling her as her friends attempted to pull it off of her. I cleared my throat and Alyssa looked at me as I told her sternly "see! that's why you scare me sometimes, you can't control yourself..you know what, I'm not really that hungry anymore" I stood up to walk off and was thrown back into my chair as she shouted "sit!" and then paused over what she had done as I gave her a saddened look and left my chair and stormed out of the restaurant.

As I left the restaurant I looked around before crossing the parking lot, stepping into the parking lot I heard the door from the restaurant open as Alyssa came out. "Evan!" she shouted to stop me, I turned around and looked at her "what..what is it?" I asked as she lowered her head and said to me "I'm sorry..I can't help but get jealous, I love you"  
I couldn't help but forgive her, she was actually sorry. But as I went to walk towards her a drunken driver slammed his car right into me throwing me into a parked car, as my body hit the pavement I could feel the life leaving me. Raising her hand angrily the car exploded into a ball of flame and the remainder imploded and vanished as she ran over to me.  
"Evan!..EVAN!" she screamed, I tried to speak but all that came out was silence as things started to get dark I forced out the only words I could say "I love..." but before I could finish I faded away my body still in her arms but my soul was gone.

My eyes opened, I felt the rocking beneath me and the heat all around me. Sitting up I looked around, I was on what appeared to be a train cart, all rustic and bloody and outside the window I could see flames reaching up around the cart and the cries of agony outside it's dirty windows. "Where in the hell am I!" I shouted standing up now as the cart shook around, a figure spoke out to me from the darkness "I think you've already guessed correctly..", as the figure left the shadows of the cart I could see his boney structure literally. The grim reaper is who spoke to me, he grinned menacingly from what I could tell, the shimmer of his scythe caught my eye as he floated closer to me tilting his head left and right trying to get a good look at me. "You!..I thought it was you, couldn't be certain..well well this can't be right then" he said to me as he stopped infront of me tapping his scythe on a pole in the center of the cart, I looked at him not knowing what to say as I tried to understand what he was saying. "Look I'm going to let you off at Hell..I know that the Devil is going to want to see you..can you manage?" He asked me, I looked at him then looked outside hearing the painful screams then looked back at him "uh..uh..uh..manage?" he chuckled as the cart stopped and the door opened and he kicked me out. "Have a nice afterlife!" he waved from the train as it left, I stood up and dusted myself off and looked around in horror as I said to myself "oh fuck..".

Starting to walk I came to an opening in a wall and stepped inside, the inside of this wall revealed a giant maze. Thinking to myself, if it's possible that all Hell truely is is a giant maze where you wander around for eternity, it seemed somewhat juvenille and idiotic. But as I pondered I heard a strange growling noise and I look behind my shoulder to see this vicious looking demon getting ready to run my way, "oh hell no..." I said as it darted towards me and I began to run all the while screaming my lungs out as I turned corner after corner of the maze. Running to a portcullis blocking what appeared to be an elevator I turned around and saw the demon drooling it's rotted teeth scrapping against one another, it didn't appear to have any eyes and it's brain was exposed, it legs like dogs and it's arms like a human yet it's skin was like burnt flesh.  
As it ran towards me screaming I thought quickly and climbed up the portcullis as it rammed into the portcullis head first and it's brain turned to mush as it fell down, I climbed down and breathed deeply looking around the open area I entered.

Trying to think of an easier way to get around I looked back at the portcullis and saw a hanging chain just left of it, I climbed back up and leaped for the chain and grabbed in and used it to swing onto the top of the maze wall, I stood up and looked over Hell. Across a the maze I could see flames and people screaming and running around, giant worm like demons and enormous tentacles swinging around, the sky was a dark red and black with flashes of lightning, and in the sky I could see dragons breathing fire and attacking eachother. Walking on the top of the wall I could see more demons gathering at the bottom of the wall waiting for me to fall so they could eat me, I tried to focus on something else and then I began to sing to myself trying to get my mind off of the demons "well I'm not sick, but I'm not well, and I'm so hot because I'm in Hell"  
the irony of that song was somewhat funny to me even in the situation I was currently in.

Back on Earth I had been rushed to the hospital, they were trying to bring me back. But it was impossible now, I was beyond any Earthly way of regaining my life. Alyssa waited outside the ER crying as a doctor came out, and told her the news. She smiled which made the doctor confused as she stormed out of the hospital and as soon as she was away from sight of anyone she snapped her fingers and burst into flame as she went to Heaven to find me. Saint Peter leaned against his altar talking to the dead who approached Heaven and letting some inside, but he was shaken with his altar as a huge flame appeared and Alyssa walked out of the flame. Now being in the afterlife her appearence was different, instead of being the human like beauty she had horns on her head around the hairline of her forehead, her skin was a shade of red, he eyes were white and her nails long, sharp, and black, and she worn a torn looking black dress which waved behind her as she walked. "HEY!" She shouted loudly as Saint Peter's eye widened and Satan began to push people out of her way as she made her way to the front of the line, "oh lord.." Saint Peter said to himself as she stepped infront of the altar. "Where is he!" Satan demanded as she grabbed Saint Peter by the collar of his robe, he looked at her stuttering "he?..he..he whom!" and as he said that she picked him up from his chair and shouted "you know exactly who!", Saint Peter cried out "you..you mean..Evan Small!..he was sent to Hell for dating you!". Satan tossed him back down and growled as she began to walk back to her flames and disapeared as all the people got back in line and eased up as Saint Peter said "next!".

In Hell I walked the tops of the maze wall carefully as I kept singing to myself "Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, Jimmy crack corn and I don't care" as I glanced down momentarily to see atleast thirty or so demons jumping at the wall trying to reach me. With a thunder clap the demons exploded into blood and guts and a loud wind sound blew against me as I was picked up by a giant hand. "OH GOD IT'S OVER! I'M REALLY REALLY DEAD!" I screamed as a laugh followed my scream, "why in Hell would I kill you?" the voice said with some familiarity as I opened my eyes and relax I looked at my captor. Looking apon the giant figure I could tell right away looking past the horns and red skin that it was my love Alyssa, she was enormous a giant standing over Hell I couldn't help but look down her dress at her breasts.  
"Hey!" she laughed poking me lightly as I laughed as well looking up at her, "what! I can't help it they were big before but sheesh!" I smiled then looked at her "Alyssa..I think we need to talk about some things.." but before I could get to the big portion I was some where else, some where dark and cold.

Trying to get up I slammed my head into something and I seemed to be in a restraint, I lifted my hands upto my face and began to scratch and pull at the covering, but I couldn't rip it and I began to yell and kick making plenty of noise.  
Then the surface below me began to rumble and pull towards something as the light began to crack from my covering and shine on me, I sat up and looked over at a man who looked at me wide eyed and fainted. Looking around I could tell I was in the morgue, getting up and hopping off of the tray I looked at my naked body then at the mortician "sorry buddy.." I stole his shirt and pants, I preferred not to take his underwear because well that's just gross. Running from morgue still slightly pale, well more pale than I usually was I left the hospital and made my way home.

Checking my body abit when I got home to see if they had cut me open or anything, I appeared to be intact and working fine. I looked around my room and shouted out "Alyssa!" I shouted as a flame shot from the floor boards under my feet and she came out from it with a smile, "we need to talk.." I told her as she sat down on my lap and looked at me. I told her about all the hellish things I've encountered and all the weird accurances and stuff I've gone through during the time I've known her, and she has to be less demonic in public and try not to make things explode or kill friends of mine. "It's just I don't want anyone out to hurt you for what you truely are..I love you and don't to see you get hurt"  
I told her with a smile holding her close to me, she seemed to understand and smiled. A flash of light flew into my room as my guardian angel appeared "what did I tell you Evan, you can't.." before she could finish Alyssa waved her hand setting the guardian angel on fire and making her vanish, she looked back at me "oops?", I smiled and said "that one is okay..I've got you to guard me now". Alyssa smiled as her skin turned red and horns grew from he skull, her eyes clouding over a pale white as the torn dress appears, and with a grin she ripped my shirt apart and pushed me back on my bed roughly. Pushing myself up I kissed her lips warmly and said "I love you Satan", she used her tail to push me back down and began tearing at my clothes as she smirked and said "I love you too Evy" then with a swift swoop of her tail my door slammed shut so no one could see what passionate and hellish things happened beyond it.

Deep beneath my room in the pits of hell a ball of flame exploded and my guardian angel fell out of it and stood up coughing and dusting herself off as she extended her wings and looked around. Hundreds of drooling demons of all shapes and sizes growling around her as they moved closer, she tried to teleport out but her power didn't work and as they got ready to pounce she said to herself "oh Hell...". 


End file.
